for anyone who thinks my shop is all about cabinets and stairs and practical stuff. I just saw this video and REALLY want to build one of these. I’m sure it will amuse me to no end and I’m going to ROFL when visitors try to "make it work" …

You can find the instructions and details of how it works here.

For sale cheap …

One slightly used, soft, brown and white alarm clock. Randomly wakes you between 2:30 AM and 4:30 AM. Totally reliable, never fails. Green and rechargeable – totally off grid. Comes with optional bed warming and door alarm function. Audible and vibrating alarm with unlimited 2 minute snooze function which automatically shuts off when you are totally awake.

Customer-1 review:

I currently own a similar device with a slightly tighter tolerance of approximately 15-30 minutes and set to 5:30 AM. My alarm does not have an audio setting (or perhaps I have not figured out how to program it) however, the vibrate setting does ramp from subtle all the way up to Shiatsu mode. It also has a heat detection circuit to let me know if the house temp drops below a comfortable level.

My unit came with the deluxe door alarm and proximity detector as standard equipment. Unfortunately, it seems to have come factor set to “maximum sensitivity” and I can’t find the instruction manual for turning it off or at least lowering the setting. (I think a 1/2 mile line of sight detection range is too much). The volume also appears to be set to 11.

My unit was designed in China and appears to be well made. I assume there are country specific models but not sure how they differ.

Seller’s reply:

I am intrigued by your unit’s heat detection function. It is possible the unite I have available also has this function and I have just never experienced it before. Our previous offices had fairly constant temperature due to heated flooring. Our current location gets quite cold at night due to a lack of ANY insulation in the floor or crawlspace. It is possible the temperature fluctuations have fallen within the parameter of the heat detection circuitry and that is activating the alarm.

The door alarm function and proximity detector are some things you needed to set at start up and adjust in the first few months of use. I do not know if these functions can be adjusted now that the unit has been activated and functioning for so long, though I do agree ½ mile is quite insane.

The speakers can be removed but this seems quite harsh and probably not to your liking either. You might contact tech support for some onsite adjustments. With the correct tools, you might be able to reset those parameters. My units seem to have very adjustable volume from 1 – 10. I can adjust them while the unit is on with Voice Command. Voice Command is not 100 percent reliable but works most of the time to adjust from low indoor thru medium to high outdoor volumes. Like with the touch pad on my phone, I occasionally have to recalibrate the voice command function but that is no problem. However my units functional requirements did not include an audible alarm mode. They were designed to function in their primary mode without this noise. The specs called for a silent pointing function to indicate intruders or targets. I wonder if the audible alarm was put in as an Easter Egg or something … or perhaps my unit has a virus.

My units were designed in Germany but manufactured here in the States. I find that the German made units are heavier and larger and the US version is much lighter and more portable. The US version also seems to last a bit longer. I expect to get 16 or more years from this unit as I did with my previous one. There is a similar model made in Hungary though it only comes in one color – a medium rusty brown. I do not recommend this unit. It has similar problems with volume controls to your own and the proximity alarm is too sensitive for anyone’s needs and requires much more maintenance and constant adjusting. They also do not seem to have the long functional lifespan of the German designed units.

I have some experience with various British Models of all sizes but have not found one that meets my needs as nicely as the German ones. I have found that as the units gets older, they requires more maintenance (some parts and major services are quite spendy).  Also, the units tend to need their water reservoirs emptied more often as they get older. They do, however, also use a bit less energy as they seem to spend more time in standby and in sleep mode with age.

Does yours have the air freshener mode?  This only works on rare occasion with my model but I am not enamored of the included scent so that is ok with me.

Customer-1 reply:

I think there was a manufacturing error in my unit. The proximity alarm volume appears to be backwards. Outside, if is nearly silent while inside, it is very loud. It seems to be a feature of the Chinese models. I have noted other owners with similar units report a this operating function. In most cases the detection mode will wake the unit from standby mode. When recharging, the detection circuit does not trigger. The recharge cycle is easy to recognize as the unit has a rhythmic sound. Nearly all Chinese units came with the recharging sound but I’ve heard it varies from subtle (my unit) to very loud. I have heard sleeping humans imitate the sound described.

Regarding the “air freshener mode”, I once had the olfactory signal option enabled on my unit but it kept going off randomly. I professional repairman examined it and said I could suppress the feature but changing the fuel supply. I quickly followed the instruction.

I am very happy with the operation of my Chinese unit. However, I read that installing multiple units (of the same or different models) can have significant benefits. I am investigating picking up a used unit as there are many good models to choose from on the market.

Seller’s reply:

I recommend you reinstall the indoor alarm software on your current unit before adding another to the network. The is a risk of infecting the new (used) unit.

Customer-2 review:

Don’t forget the high efficiency kitchen floor waste removal feature, which works very well. I did not get a model with the optional varmint detection and removal feature but one of mine came with the periodic auto-waste recycling feature, which is somewhat disturbing since it uses the same attachment for the oral hygiene function.

Disclaimer: In case you were wondering, this entire exchange was real but obviously not serious – just a few technologists writing about their dogs

Also, if you live in the Redmond / Woodinville / Kirkland area, check out Off Leash Adventures. A great crew offering a great service (with a healthy dose of humor).

Everything that follows came directly from the Amazon website and I have only inserted it hear for fear it will disappear from there and the humor will be lost forever …

Product Description

The woman traveler stops by the security checkpoint. After placing her luggage on the screening machine, the airport employee checks her baggage. The traveler hands her spare change and watch to the security guard and proceeds through the metal detector. With no time to spare, she picks up her luggage and hurries to board her flight!

source: Amazon.com

Here is where the fun begins – the customer feedback … I did not make this stuff up (but wished I could)

By loosenut – I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger’s shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger’s scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said “that’s the worst security ever!”. But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital. The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillence System set for Christmas. I’ve heard that the CC TV cameras on that thing are pretty worthless in terms of quality and motion detection, so I think I’ll get him the Playmobil Abu-Gharib Interogation Set instead (it comes with a cute little memo from George Bush).
source: Amazon.com customer feedback

By roxybeast – My family was planning a vacation to Europe, so I purchased this item to teach my twins about what to expect at the airport and hopefully, alleviate some of their anxiety. We also downloaded the actual TSA security checklist from the American Airlines website and then proceeded with our demonstration. Well, first we had to round up a Barbie and a few Bratz dolls to play the other family members, so that cost us a few extra bucks at the Dollar General and it is aggravating that the manufacturer did not make this product “family-friendly.” Of course, since the playmobil Dad could not remove his shoes or other clothing items, unlike the Barbie, the playmobil security agent became suspicious and after waving her wand wildy a few dozen times, called her supervisor to wisk the Dad into a special body-cavity search room, (which incidentally led to quite an embarasing and interesting discussion with my twin daughters about personal hygiene and a slight adjustment to the rules we had them memorize about touching by strangers). But worst of all, since the suitcase did not actually open, the baggage inspector made a call to the FBI and ATF bomb squads which then segregated the family’s suitcase (which btw was the only suitcase they provided for our educational family experience) and according to the advanced TSA regulations, had to blow it up, (since they could not otherwise mutilate the luggage, break off the locks and put one of those nice little advisory stickers on it), which we had to simulate out in the backyard with a few M-80s and other fireworks. The girls started crying. They became so hysterical by the whole experience that we could not even get them in the car when the time came to actually take our trip, and so we had to cancel the whole thing at the last minute, losing over $7,000 in airfare and hotel charges that we could not recoup do to the last minute cancellations. We’ve now spent an additional $3,000 to pay for the girls therapy and medication over the past year since this incident occurred, and the psychologists have told us that this will affect them for life, so much for their college fund and our retirement. Then, to top it all off, when we tried to use to playmobil phone to call the company to ask for reimbursement, as you might expect, of course the damn thing didn’t even work; neither did our efforts to e-mail them using the computer screen on the baggage checkpoint; and our real-life efforts to contact them to obtain re-imbursement have also likewise been ignored. Worse yet, we had the product tested and found out that it was positive for both lead paint and toxic chemicals, having been manufactured in China by workers holding formerly American jobs, so now we all have cancer and have been given only another year or so to live. My advice – educating your kids about airport security with this toy may actually be more harmful to them than just packing them in the damn luggage with some bottled water & hoping they survive.
source: the Amazon.com Amazon.com customer feedback

By K. B. Husain – Additional accessories include the Safe-Cracker and Jail from playmobil. I kid you not…: Search for playmobil and Jail on amazon’s site. They are there. Read the reviews on the jail one
source: Amazon.com customer feedback

By R. Juliano – When I bought this toy, I was looking forward to placing my minority-action figure through the metal detector, and then running the little script I prepared: “Excuse me sir, but you have been ‘randomnly’ selected for additional scans. Please let us take a sample from your shoe while the computer analyzes findings for any radioactive or biohazardous material”. It’s too bad that they never came out with the “Pat-Down” edition, where fat guards are groping women for weapons, and turning customers away who refuse the degrading method of search. My only suggestion is that if this is based on the John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York, please don’t forget to include the bums who torment you for spare change. Thanks!
source: Amazon.com customer feedback

Again, all of this is sourced from product page.

There are times when a picture tells the story better than words …. this is one of those times

The most common Google search that hits theSalmonFam.org blog is: stages of the common cold !

For those who have not read the post, it is a humorous look the common cold through the 5 stages of death. Here’s a link for your … umm … enjoyment.