theSalmonFarm Blog » Humor

The door to no where … well, not exactly

Glen — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 01:00:18 +0000

While this is not the door to no-where, it is a pretty humorous point in the construction. The doors are in but there are no walls! I arrived on site this morning to go over a recent change (more on that in a moment). When I arrived, they had two of the three pedestrian doors installed. “Pedestrian” is both a description of the fact the doors are for people vs vehicles but also serve as a descriptive adjective as these doors are not the main entrance into the Farmhouse and are your standard commercial grade steel doors with safety glass - ugh -ly may also be a vocalization to describe them. Fortunately, they are not on the front of the farmhouse and so they will serve their purpose well and in relative obscurity.

The real purpose of the visit was to review a change that came about by the simple fact that words do not always mean the same thing to the speaker as they do to the listener. In this case it was the garage door (aka the overhead door). I had requested a 12′x14′ door - meaning 12 feet high and 14 feet wide. The contractor took it to mean a door 12 feed wide by 14 feet high. It seems the steel building manufacturer took my interpretation for the width. At some point later, the contractor verified the building was being manufactured for a 14 foot high door. If you are keeping track, you an now see that the manufacturer fabricated the steel for a 14 foot wide opening and then adjusted for a 14 foot high opening.

Thus, the contractor wanted me to inspect the site and if I approved, would install a 14′x14′ door. They were ahead of the game and said no additional charge would come of this misunderstanding. I suspect the difference was only $200-$300 but I was glad it was not another one for me to “absorb”.

A coherent thought deserves equal time

Glen — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:36:39 +0000

On the campaign trail, politicians can’t bve expected to be “on their game” all the time. Even in the best of times, they should not be expected to know everything, always, instantly. But, should they know what their marketing department is publishing and spending serious money to say ? A recent interview answers with “no” …

Couric: “Are you disappointed with the tone of the campaign? The ‘lipstick on the pig’ stuff, and some of the ads - you guys haven’t been completely guilt-free making fun of John McCain’s inability to use a computer.”

Biden: “I thought that was terrible by the way”

Couric: “Why did you do it then?”

Biden: “I didn’t know we did it and if I had anything to do with it, we would have never done it. And I don’t think Barack, you know. I just think that was …”

Couric: “Did Obama approve that ad?”

Biden: “The answer is I don’t think there was anything intentional about that. They were trying to make another point. That’s very different than deliberately taking a vote [quote] Barack Obama had to teach children about how to deal with child-predators and saying he was teaching them sex education in kindergarten. Very different in degree.”

Update: Late Monday, Obama campaign spokesman Bill Burton released the following statement

Biden: “I was asked about an ad I’d never seen, reacting merely to press reports. As I said right then, I knew there was nothing intentionally personal in the criticism of Senator McCain’s views which look backwards not forwards and are out of touch with the new economic challenges we face today. Having now reviewed the ad, it is even more clear to me that given the disgraceful tenor of Senator McCain’s ads and their persistent falsehoods, his campaign is in no position to criticize, especially when they continue to distort Barack’s votes on an issue as personal as keeping kids safe from sexual predators.”

I can’t say as I follow his train of thought. Perhaps it derailed in the yard before leaving the station. It proves that coherent thoughts must be in short supply.

To his credit, on at least one ocassion, Biden made his point with a “coherent thought” …

Williams: Senator Biden, words have, in the past, gotten you in trouble, words that were borrowed and words that some found hateful.An editorial in the Los Angeles Times said, “In addition to his uncontrolled verbosity, Biden is a gaff machine.”Can you reassure voters in this country that you would have the discipline you would need on the world stage, Senator?

Biden: Yes.

(Laughter)

Williams: Thank you, Senator Biden.

A coherent thought ?

Glen — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 01:15:38 +0000

I was reading a transcript (or what appears to be a transcript) between Katie Couric and Senator Sarah Palin. My take away from the short read is that our education system has failed us - completely. There are times I think absolutely no coherency exists in what the interviewee is expressing.

Couric: And when it comes to establishing your worldview, I was curious, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this to stay informed and to understand the world?

Palin: I’ve read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media.

Couric: What, specifically?

Palin: Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me all these years.

Couric: Can you name a few?

Palin: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news, too. Alaska isn’t a foreign country, where it’s kind of suggested, “Wow, how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C., may be thinking when you live up there in Alaska?” Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America.

If I were asked what news papers I read, I would have no trouble explaining I read very few papers in paper form. I read posts from the BBC, NYT, CNN, MSNBC, and others as well as blogs and links to on-line content such as CNET, AP, etc. Is that overly difficult ?

Another exchange took place around “the morning after pill”. I don’t wish to stir up a debate about pro-life and pro-choice, but someone missed an important bit of timing - which I will get to shortly. First, here is the exchange …

Couric: Some people have credited the morning-after pill for decreasing the number of abortions. How do you feel about the morning-after pill?

Palin: Well, I am all for contraception. And I am all for preventative measures that are legal and save, and should be taken, but Katie, again, I am one to believe that life starts at the moment of conception. And I would like to see …

Couric: And so you don’t believe in the morning-after pill?

Palin: … I would like to see fewer and fewer abortions in this world. And again, I haven’t spoken with anyone who disagrees with my position on that.

Couric: I’m sorry, I just want to ask you again. Do you not support or do you condone or condemn the morning-after pill.

Palin: Personally, and this isn’t McCain-Palin policy …

Couric: No, that’s OK, I’m just asking you.

Palin: But personally, I would not choose to participate in that kind of contraception.

So, a strait forward question took multiple attempts to get a less than strait forward answer. Now, to that bit about “timing”. It may be inconsequential to most (unless it directly effect you) but “conception” does not start at orgasm and the natural introduction of the male sperm into the female. There is some debate as to how long it takes for fertilization and it could be as short as a few hours and as long as a couple of days. It is not, however, instantaneous so by definition, there is a window of time for the morning after pill which does not contradict the statement; “life starts at conception”.

You can read the rest of the transcript, just don’t expect too many strait answers. Of, if I were to channel ambiguity of the likes in the interview, here is what might happen …

Journalist: I want to be sure you have a chance to answer my question directly - do you agree with congress’s actions ?

Polititian: You want a strait answer ? Well, I do not judge people as strait or I mean I know a homosexual and I don’t think of them as “not strait” and they are just people I have met so they are no less important. I answer as my own person and with my running mate. Congress is a collection of many different people all who represent America and they are many different people and some are homosexual and I do not think that is important for what we are talking about now. So, yes, I agree with my running mate and the change he is trying to accomplish. He is not one of them, congress, he is here to change the established partisan ways. He has the experience to accomplish change.

See? Clear as mud. Any can answer a question like a politician. Go ahead, try it for your self.

If Jimmy Hendrix drank cocktails

Glen — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 23:00:20 +0000

If for no other reason than to add a little color, I have tried placing a few pieces of frozen fruit in my evening cocktail. It started with a few frozen strawberries. They added some nice colored objects and did not affect the flavor. They were pleasing to the eye. Next, I tried a few slices of frozen peach. They too left the flavor of the drink relatively unaffected. The peaches did take on a bit of the effervescence which made for an enjoyable treat at the bottom of the glass. Then I tied blueberries. They did not change the flavor but caused the drink to take on a very psychedelic hue. To be honest, the color was very unnatural. It was a testament to those who say; “there is no blue food” … I tend to agree.

Still, the effect is pleasing to the eye if not a bit of a trip - I’m sure Jimmy would agree.

BTW: for the English teachers and professors out there, how did I do on “affect” and “effect” ?

GIMP users: this image is four layers with the bottom most layer being all white; the glass as the top layer; a copy of the glass that was scaled down vertically and then skewed and reduced to 25% opacity; and a drop shadow on the skewed layer but placed over it and then set to 75% opacity. The color is natural … or as natural as frozen blueberries.

Early Retirement

Glen — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 22:37:53 +0000

There is nothing like the comfort of your favorite old jeans and that comfiest of comfy old broken in shoes. It’s time to concede, these shoes are ready to be retired. I’ll hate to see them go …

BTW: This is the start of a “weeek of photo posts”. I will have a pretty full week so I went through the photos on my little point-and-shoot camera and crafted one post per day and pre-loaded them into the blog. they will apear throughtout the week. Appologies to those with dial-up. Two of the posts have big pictures (approximately 200KB in size). The rest are my typical 50KB or so.

I like good customer support - even if they have a sense of humor

Glen — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 00:34:14 +0000

I just ordered a new “product” from “The Company”. I have had one of these “products” for two years now am 100% satisfied. So, when I needed another, I bit the bullet, payed the price and ordered it. I want my “product” to be just for me so I have opted in both cases to use their custom design option. I had fogotten the prompt and humorous confirmation email …

Thanks for picking us. Your new is gonna ROCK!

We suggest that you actually read it and like it because this is what you are getting and the Lucky One’s address below is where we are going to send it. If you must be That Person, we can TRY our best to make changes or cancel your order. This is only if we have had enough coffee and our warehouse hasn’t. You will need to send your email to changeorder@timbuk2.com. Remember, this is only if your order is NOT IN PRODUCTION. Once your order makes it to our production line, we can’t change it for you and if it’s custom, we can’t take it back. Not because we don’t love you; but because we already have really, really nice custom made . It’s part of the uniform.

Now here’s the part you really want to read.

When will my order ship?
Your order is being sent to the warehouse right now. Orders are fulfilled and out the door in up to 3 business days. It all depends on how many orders are in line in front of yours. If you selected an expedited shipping method like Second Day or Next Day Air, your order will ship within 1 to 2 business days. Business means Monday through Friday and excludes most US holidays, just in case you didn’t know. Now you do. FYI custom do not require any additional processing time.

How long will it take my order to get to my loving, waiting arms?
Once your order ships via UPS it will take 3 to 7 business days to arrive depending on where you call home. You can track your order on our website using your order number or you can be patient and wait for UPS to send you a notification of shipment indicating that your order has left the building. Please note that your item must ship before anyone can track it and it can take up to 48 hours for your tracking information to trickle down from UPS to our systems.

What if I entered my email address in wrong?
Our deepest sympathies are being sent to you via UPS because you haven’t read any of this.

Much Love,

Zen by the numbers

Glen — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 20:14:55 +0000

I headed down to the job site today and given the nearly perfect weather - amazingly 78 and dry - I figured Zen and I could get some play time around the place. Now remember, there are 91 acres of land - that’s just short of 4 million square feet of space - and Zen was able to find the tiny 3 square feet of mud …

Timing was nearly perfect … the well is in, pump installed, exterior water hydrants (the farm type and not those city fire units) and the temporary electric box stood up. Just one tiny problem … no actual electricity yet. So, I had water but no way to get it from the ground to Zen. She stayed my “Chinese Chocolate Lab” for the duration of our time on the farm. (click on the strip for a good look at how quickly she changed “breeds”.)

BTW: if you are curious what a farm hydrant looks like, mine have blue handles and the picture is from the back corner of the garage.

The irony of advertising

Glen — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 11:41:21 +0000

I’ve been told that in the broadcast media, there are contract clauses that stipulate what ads can run side by side. For instance, if you are Honda, you probably don’t want the TV network running a Toyota Prius ad right next to your Civic Hybrid spot.

I’m guessing the same rules do not apply to web advertising. I don’t think it was coincidence that sitting right next to the article about IBM/Lotus Sametime telephony integration was a video ad spot for Microsoft VoIP. Something tells me the marketing guys are both sides will get an earful - The blue team may want to call in sick while the red team is probably getting high-fives.