I just ordered a new “product” from “The Company”. I have had one of these “products” for two years now am 100% satisfied. So, when I needed another, I bit the bullet, payed the price and ordered it. I want my “product” to be just for me so I have opted in both cases to use their custom design option. I had fogotten the prompt and humorous confirmation email …

Thanks for picking us.  Your new <product> is gonna ROCK!

We suggest that you actually read it and like it because this is what you are getting and the Lucky One’s address below is where we are going to send it. If you must be That Person, we can TRY our best to make changes or cancel your order.  This is only if we have had enough coffee and our warehouse hasn’t. You will need to send your email to changeorder@timbuk2.com. Remember, this is only if your order is NOT IN PRODUCTION. Once your order makes it to our production line, we can’t change it for you and if it’s custom, we can’t take it back. Not because we don’t love you; but because we already have really, really nice custom made <product>. It’s part of the uniform.

Now here’s the part you really want to read.

When will my order ship?
Your order is being sent to the warehouse right now. Orders are fulfilled and out the door in up to 3 business days.  It all depends on how many orders are in line in front of yours.  If you selected an expedited shipping method like Second Day or Next Day Air, your order will ship within 1 to 2 business days.  Business means Monday through Friday and excludes most US holidays, just in case you didn’t know. Now you do.  FYI custom <product> do not require any additional processing time.

How long will it take my order to get to my loving, waiting arms?
Once your order ships via UPS it will take 3 to 7 business days to arrive depending on where you call home.  You can track your order on our website using your order number or you can be patient and wait for UPS to send you a notification of shipment indicating that your order has left the building.  Please note that your item must ship before anyone can track it and it can take up to 48 hours for your tracking information to trickle down from UPS to our systems.

What if I entered my email address in wrong?
Our deepest sympathies are being sent to you via UPS because you haven’t read any of this.

Much Love,
<The Company>

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Posted in Customer Service, Humor, Thinkpad |

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